Enthusiasm doesn't mean you're flighty or fickle
If you’ve been on instagram for maybe 7 minutes, you’ll have definitely seen at least 1 if not 10 posts about talking to yourself with kindness, and taking extra caution with the words you’re using to describe yourself. The reason they’re so prevalent is because they’re 100% true - the circle of what you’re telling yourself feeding into what you believe is just as much the circle of life as the gazelles and the giraffes at Pride Rock are.
But sometimes these things are so deeply ingrained, we don’t ever realise they fit into this category. One of these for me is the word “erratic”, a word I have lovingly (or so I thought) used to describe myself for years. Prone to energetic bursts, in possession of a loud laugh, and with many deeply-held interests at any given time, I usually said it about myself with a wry smile. Back in January, I was explaining this on a Zoom call, with said wry smile to boot: “And, you know, I was stressed because I’m quite erratic when I speak…” The wonderful woman I was speaking to stared back at me, knowingly, and told me to back up one sec and clarify exactly what I meant.
“Ellie,”she said, “You’re not erratic. You’re passionate, you’re fiery, you’ve got a lot going on - but you know what you’re doing. You’re not erratic.”
That was when I analysed my ‘erraticism’ for the first time (very different from eroticism, just as an FYI). I’d never really thought about it before because it wasn’t something I was intentionally feeding myself as a negative; it was just more of a fact. My eyes are blue, my ankles are so tiny and out of proportion they give me recurring nightmares about falling over, and I was quite an erratic person. Or, so I’d thought. After the call, I looked the word up. And, for some context, I’m a copywriter, it’s my literal job - so I should have known this, really. In fact, maybe I did, logically - maybe if you’d have asked me, apropos of nothing, what erratic meant, I’d have regaled you with some of these answers. Erratic is a synonym for unpredictable, inconsistent, turbulent. (The rule of three suggests that’s enough to paint the picture but here are some more: wayward, unsettling, unsettled, unreliable, unstable. A lot of uns there, huh?) This is, in fact, everything I’m the first in line to tell people not to conflate with enthusiasm - just because you like a lot of different things and like them a lot doesn’t mean you’re fickle or volatile. It just means you’re interested in a lot of things, and you’re un(there’s another un word - but this time it’s good)afraid to show it.
So, as it turns out, I’d been secretly judging my own enthusiasm - my own tendency to talk passionately, my capacity for multiple adorations at one time, my energy when I walk into a room or take to a stage in a room a little staler and maybe male-r than me - as erraticism, off-putting and hard to follow. NEVER AGAIN.
There’s 3 things to take away here, if I may:
Talk to yourself like you would talk to your best pal. I know, you heard it here first - but take a serious minute to think about what that actually means next time you scroll past it on your instagram feed. You might not routinely hurl insults at yourself in your inner monologue - and if you don’t, I’m glad - but there may be more subverting, subconscious judgments going on that you want to right.
I’ve started a blog, so that I can share some of my thoughts and resources as and when. It’s wildly out of my comfort zone, but I hope you enjoy!
If you’ve ever thought of yourself as erratic, or a bit offputting to be around because you get quite excited about a lot of stuff - ask yourself, are you erratic? Or are you enthusiastic?
photo by William Bayreuther on Unsplash